New Year - New YOU!

Radio Program:  Transformations

01/01/09 – New Year – New YOU!

Listen to archived show at:  blogtalkradio.com/Transformations

Intro:  (1 minute)

I’m Michelle Niederer, CEO & President of TheSecretGratitudeRock.com and you’re listening to Transformations. 

Each week we’ll meet to walk a sacred journey to become our best selves.  Together we’ll share the very best books, movies, websites, resources and hard-won wisdom that has helped you traverse the mighty mountains of transformation.

So come in; relax and unwind as we begin a journey of the soul to become the YOU you were always meant to be.

 Body: (4 minutes)

Leighton

Welcome to the January 1, 2009 edition of our show!  Before we begin, we’d like to thank Leighton Miles for the use of his song, Messenger in our intro.  Leighton is our featured artist in The Café at TheSecretGratitudeRock.com.  Stop by to hear more of his songs and spend some time getting to know this exceptionally talented musician.

Creating Change

In honor of the New Year, our show tonight will focus on change.  Are you ready to make changes in your life? I mean real changes - the only kind that really last? Tonight we’re going to learn what makes us change, and how to make the changes stick. I've lost nearly 100 pounds, and I have to tell you, the same process works whether you desire to lose weight, stop smoking, get a better relationship, build a business, or whatever it is you’re working toward. 

Whatever it is you want...we'll help you get it.

New Website

We will also announce a brand new website filled to the brim with free stuff just waiting to carry some amazing gifts to help make this year your best one yet!

Listener Line

Our listener line is open, so please call in with your questions and we’ll do our very best to provide the information that may be of use in taking the next step in your journey.  Our number is (718) 766-4796, and we’ll be taking your calls throughout tonight’s program.

Chat Room

For those who are uncomfortable being “on-air,” we’ve also opened our guest chat room.  Feel free to mingle with others throughout the show, and ask any questions you may have through that venue, as well.

Housekeeping

Before we get to the meat of our program, we would like to take just a minute to thank you for investing your time to listen to tonight’s program.  We ask that at some point tonight, you take just a minute to let us know how we’re doing by rating the show, making us a favorite, sharing this program with your friends, and sending your comments.  We dearly love to hear from you!

It is our intention to provide “Tools You Can Use” to make these thirty minutes each week of great worth to you.  Please join us again next week as we begin a very special series on goal-setting.

Lesson: (24 minutes)

Change

New Year’s marks the start of a new opportunity – a fresh start – a chance to shed the old and wrap ourselves in something better than we’ve had before.  For many, this is a time of reflection, of planning, and of goal-setting.  It’s an exciting time, filled with energy and unlimited possibilities.  Unfortunately, set-backs may occur and all too often, the illusions of that bright new future seem to crash at our feet in a million jagged pieces.  Sometimes it takes a day, sometimes a month, and occasionally, a few months.  Only rarely are we able to truly make changes in our lives – and I mean the real kind – the only ones that will ever stick.

My 100 Pound Change (see pics at TheSecretGratitudeRock.com

A few years ago, I decided to make a change in my life.  At that point, at 5’8”, I weighed in at 229 pounds and donned an incredible woman’s size 24.  In September of 2006, my sister and I took our kids and attended a family reunion at a ranch in eastern Idaho.  I was miserable the whole time because I was too hot in the sun, I couldn’t walk all the hills and nature trails, and I certainly didn’t want to be in the line of the any sort of camera lens. 

It wasn’t until we returned and my sister showed me pictures from the trip that I realized I hadn’t avoided all of the camera lenses.  There I was…and possibly because I was really good at staying OUT of pictures and hadn’t expected to see myself, I was absolutely shocked at what was staring me in the face.  It was at that very moment that I decided to change…and it stuck.  I went to the next year’s reunion nearly one hundred pounds slimmer, and I continue to improve my health each day.

The Big Why

Over the last few years, I have worked as a consultant with many people who want to make changes in their lives.  Some are ready.  Others are not.  I’ve learned that there is a vast difference between the two – and there is seldom any gray area.  Either you are fully committed…or you’re just kidding yourself.

So…do you want to know why sometimes your changes don’t last?  Trust me, I’ve thought about this a lot, and have done tremendous research on this very question.  Not every change I’ve wanted to make has lasted, and I can’t even tell you how many times I tried to lose weight before I was finally able to do it.  So, just like you, I needed to understand why it wasn’t working when I was doing everything right.  Want to know what the big secret was?  You may be shocked…I know I certainly was.  It’s one word…FEAR.

Fear

If you’ve listened to our show before, you know that “fear” is the opposite of “faith” – and that’s why it cripples us.  The further you get from faith, the less open you are to guidance and direction, energy, love and support, and the more susceptible you become to worry, negativity, depression, and self-loathing. 

Change means interrupting an established pattern and redirecting to a new course long enough that a new pattern is created.  As you can imagine, this takes tremendous stores of energy, attention, and intention to manage it.

The Physiology of Fear

Now, you may be shaking your head, thinking this is just some kind of crazy mo-jo that isn’t going to really help you.  Please hear me out.  You know that nightmare you have when someone is chasing you and your feet feel like lead and you can’t open your mouth to scream?  That’s fear at work, and it happens on many levels while awake or asleep.  Sometimes it’s the fear of failure.  Sometimes it’s the fear of rejection.  Sometimes it’s the fear of success.  And sometimes, it’s the fear of change.  Whatever has held you back in the past, is rooted to your deeply seated beliefs. 

To truly understand how to create lasting change, let’s take a step back to gain a better understanding of fear.

Stages of Fear

Fear occurs in three progressive stages.  The first is called pre-encounter, and it is characterized by an increased heart rate and sometimes a nervous sweat.  This is part of our survival mechanism.  In this stage, our senses are heightened and we are alert for any danger. 

In the wild, we may see this when a gazelle leaves safety in search of food.  She knows that she is putting herself in grave danger, but she must step out in order to survive.

If the fear is not resolved, it moves to stage two, called post encounter.  This stage is also known as the “startle potentiation” – a time when the startle circuit in the brain goes on overdrive.  In simple terms, because your senses are already heightened and your body is on alert, you are more easily startled.

How many of you have watched a scary movie?  You know that part when you’re on the edge of your seat, your eyes glued to the screen, the music starts and you just know something bad is about to happen?  The silence drags on…and suddenly, a cat knocks over a vase and you just about jump out of your seat!  Why?  Under normal circumstances, would a cat knocking over a vase really scare you?  No – but in your heightened state of consciousness, it does – and powerfully!  It is interesting to note that when this startle circuit is damaged, rats have been known to cuddle with cats – so although it may seem unnecessary, in terms of survival mechanisms, it is critical.

In this stage, your heart rate slows WAY down – it’s almost like you’re living in slow motion. 

In the wild, this is the moment when the gazelle spots the lion; that moment of eye contact, when the world seems to freeze.

If unresolved, fear moves to the third and final stage, called the circa strike or the attack phase.  At this point, just as it does for the gazelle; your fight or flight mechanism kicks in.  Blood rushes to the major muscle groups, pumping oxygen into them – allowing for flight.  Some people experience cold hands or have trouble connecting their thoughts because the blood has moved to other areas of the body.  You may experience a rapid heartbeat, faster breathing, pupils becoming larger, blood flow increases – and you feel like a cornered animal. 

As you might have guessed, the changes in your body as it moves through these three phases are rapid, and quite in depth – which is why following a nightmare or exposure to some other fear in your life, you may feel exhausted and can suffer from sore, tense muscles.  That’s because your body has had a workout!

F.E.A.R.

So, now we understand the physiology of fear, what can we do to make it go away? 

The short answer is…nothing.  Fear is hard-wired into our make-up as a means of survival – and there is no way to change this; and in fact, we wouldn’t want to.  But…by employing a little psychology, we can teach our bodies how to better respond to the stimuli. 

Several years ago, I was working as a claims processor and a position opened for a corporate trainer.  I wasn’t even remotely qualified, but applied anyway.  As a courtesy, they interviewed everyone – and the interview was to give a ten minute presentation in front of the executive board.  I didn’t know that I had a fear of public speaking until that moment.  My hands shook, I couldn’t think straight, and my voice shook so bad that it sounded like I was crying.  The worst was when members of the board looked at each other, and I could see in their faces that they felt sorry for me.  At that point, I didn’t care about the job, I just wanted to get through the most horrendous ordeal of my life. 

That presentation caused some baggage – I associated public speaking with the horrendous experience – something I NEVER wanted to go through again.  After I had some time to think it through, I realized that I wanted to be able to speak – and that this was something that would stand in the way of what I wanted for my life. 

Coincidentally about that time, I was asked to teach some writing classes for Community Education.  As an avid writer, I was excited about this prospect; but the fear of having to stand in front of a group of people nearly caused me to refuse the offer.  In the end, I determined that I would teach three classes in one semester – and that by the end, I would either be dead or would have learned to speak in front of people.  Because I was passionate about my subject, and grew to love the people in my classes – I learned a very important lesson:

FEAR is what we make of it.  I like to think of it as F. E. A. R., or… False Evidence Appears Real.  If we understand that our fear is not real – it is a response to a perceived danger…now THAT is something we can change!

So how do we do that?  How can we change our response to a perceived danger?

I’d like to share with you six steps that can change your life…

6 Steps to Combat Fear

There are six steps you can employ to change how you perceive any fear. 

1.  Decision

2.  Get Leverage

3.  Interrupt the Pattern

4.  Create an Alternative

5.  Condition Yourself

6.  Practice!

1.  Decide

First, we have to decide to change.  Unfortunately, that is where many of us stop.  What we think about, we bring about.  Are you spending more time thinking about what you DON’T want, or are you focusing your time and energy on what you DO want? 

I don’t want to be fat.  I don’t want to be poor.  I don’t want to be lonely.  These thoughts center on the negative.  Instead, turn them around and think about what you DO want – and be specific.  A great way to do this is through the use of positive affirmations.

Positive affirmations

Positive affirmations affirm what you want, before you have actually achieved it.  For example:  instead of saying, “I hate dieting.”  Your positive affirmation would be, “I love salads.  I love eating healthy and the feeling of power and discipline I have when I consistently manage my food intake.”

Try this, make a list of very specific things you want to change in your life.  Next to each item, write a positive affirmation that turns the negative thought into the positive result of the behavior or goal you want to achieve – and write it as if you have already achieved it.  (I am a great parent.  I spend quality time with each of my children each day.  I have great relationships with my family and friends because I take time to tell them every day how much I love and appreciate them.  My children understand the value of a dollar and know how to work hard because I am a positive role model and spend the time necessary to teach them and give them opportunities to grow.)  Get the idea???

Once you have your list made, read it aloud onto a cassette or CD and play it several times each day for 21 days.  If you tell yourself enough, your brain will begin to believe you, and within about 21 days, you will have re-programmed your mind to become the person you want to be.

2.  Get Leverage

Most of us know that we want to change…even what we SHOULD do to make that change.  Change is not usually a question of capability; it is almost always a question of motivation. 

Do you ever feel that you continue to live the same way, but expect different results? 

About three years ago, I was speaking to my sixteen year old son, and was telling him about something that I wanted to do – and he said the words that no parent wants to hear.  He said, “Mom, I don’t want to be like you when I grow up.”  I was shocked!  I had always tried to be a good parent, to do the right thing, and to teach him to become a responsible, productive member of society.  What could I have done that he would make such a statement?  The answer wasn’t what I HAD done, but what I HADN’T done.  He explained, “You have goals, and you think about them and dream about them, but you never do anything to make them happen.”

He was right – and this insight taught me another valuable lesson:

You must create a sense of urgency that is so intense you are compelled to follow through.

Start by creating a chart.  What pleasure do you gain from the behavior you want to change?  What pain do you experience?  Ask yourself, “What will this cost me if I DON’T change?  What example am I setting for my children?  Who will I disappoint if I don’t change this behavior NOW?  Am I the person I know I should be?

The greatest leverage you can create for yourself is the pain that comes from inside, not outside.  Knowing that you have failed to live up to your own standards for your life is the ultimate pain. 

One of the strongest forces in the human personality is the drive to preserve the integrity of our own identity.

3.  Interrupt the Limiting Pattern

Do you know what neuro-associative conditioning is?  Let me ask you a question, if I were to say, “The best part of waking up, is…” you might say, “Folgers in your cup.” or if I said, “How do you spell relief?” you might say, “R-O-L-A-I-D-S”.  Advertisers use this to create a pattern to remember their product.  Those commercials haven’t run in years – and yet you have been programmed so adeptly that you still remember them.

Have you ever noticed the behavior of a trapped fly in the room?  They always head for the light – and throw themselves at the window or glass door over and over again trying to get out.  Do they ever back up and consider other options?  No, they are in a limiting pattern and continue doing the same thing – expecting different results. 

We too are so steeped in our own patterns, that it is very difficult to change.  We may know that our fear is irrational, that we need to change, why we should change…but until we make changes to interrupt our perception of the FEAR, we are trapped just like the fly.

Why do you think people tell you that to be comfortable speaking in front of an audience, you should picture them in a state of undress?  They are helping to interrupt the limiting pattern.  When you are in the phases of fear, you are so focused and intent on the situation, that by taking something fearful and interpreting it in a humorous way, you interrupt the limiting pattern.  All of our feelings are based on the images we focus on in our minds and the sounds and sensations we link to those specific images.

When you can change your images and emotions, you can change your reaction to the perceived fear.

4.  Create an Empowering Alternative

How many of you have changed…temporarily…only to revert back to your old behavior?  Maybe you’ve quit smoking or started working out, you’ve shed those unwanted pounds, or started sticking to your family budget.  But what happens?  When we get stressed out…when we enter the first stage of fear, if we haven’t replaced the negative feelings with a positive alternative – we revert back to what brings us momentary pleasure – even though we KNOW that it will cause us pain down the road.  To effectively change, you must replace the negative association with something positive.  In my situation, when I was fearful of speaking but began to teach the writing classes, I discovered I loved those people, I loved hearing about their lives, I was passionate about helping them, and I couldn’t wait to go back and teach each night – and I began to associate public speaking in a new, very positive, empowering way.

5.  Conditioning the New Pattern

To create lasting change, you must condition your responses.  We do this through the Law of Reinforcement, which states that any pattern of emotion or behavior that is continually reinforced will become an automatic and conditioned response.  Anything we fail to reinforce will eventually dissipate.

A ship’s captain that believes he’s mastered his ship will soon realize his folly when the heaven’s break open and the sea heaves it’s fury.  Change requires constant nurturing and attention.  We must create opportunities for review and continue to improve and correct our behaviors.

6.  Practice, Practice, Practice

Overcoming fears to create true and lasting change takes practice.  There may be set-backs.  There may be moments of frustration.  There may be failure along the way.  Don’t sink into fear and despair.  Recognize that it is all a part of the process, and continue to practice, practice, and practice some more.

You know this.  As a child you fell countless times before you mastered walking or riding a bike.  It’s the same thing with any new skill.  Trust yourself, that just as you were able to make those lasting changes…you are fully capable of making any change you desire.  And that means to replace FEAR (false evidence appears real) – with the feeling of greater confidence you so richly deserve.

Website

If you’ve enjoyed tonight’s broadcast, we are excited to announce our brand new social networking site specifically for setting and achieving goals.  We launched today, and hope that you will stop by to create a profile page and begin to explore all the amazing resources we’ve provided for you.  It’s all free and it’s our gift to help you become the YOU you were always meant to be.

Please visit us online at www.thesecretgratituderock.ning.com.

Close (1 minute)

Transcript

We hope you’ve enjoyed this edition of Transformations.  If you’d like the full transcript and the free Tools You Can Use for this program, please visit our website at:  www.thesecretgratituderock.ning.com.

Quote

I’d like to close with a quote by Dr. Dennis Waitley, “You are either the captive or the captain of your thoughts.” (end quote)  The power to choose is your inherent right.  You can be stripped of fame, fortune, friends & family.  You may lose your looks or your freedom.  But your mind is yours alone.  May you use it well.

Next week

Thank you for listening.  Again, please take a minute to rate tonight’s broadcast, mark us as a favorite, and share this program with a friend.  We hope you’ll join us every Thursday night at 9 PM Mountain Time.  Until then, we’ll leave the light on for you.

Good night.